Emotionally, it's been a rough week. I'm still mentally hungover from last week's goodbyes, and I let myself get maybe too entrenched in some of the bad things going on in the world (see: RNC, the horrific Twitter assault on Leslie Jones, etc). I've been going through the work day in a haze and, creatively, my drive has been completely shot. But throughout the week I've been making slow steps towards improvement. Mostly by stepping backwards.

Most of my time away from work this week has been spent on old favorites, re-imaginings of old favorites, and trying to revive old favorites. The re-imaginings come in the form of Ghostbusters and Star Trek Beyond, both of which I had an amazing time watching and will probably see again in-theaters. And anyone who knows me knows that I tend to be most invigorated creatively by new movies. There's something about leaving a theater after living in that other world for two hours that makes me want to create my own worlds. And when I wasn't at the theater this week, I was re-watching Pacific Rim at home. This definitely tends to be a love it or hate it film, but Pacific Rim is very near and dear to my heart. In a lot of ways, it's the film that jump started my writing after a long hiatus.

Had an amazing time seeing @lesdogggg in #Ghostbusters last night! It was so much fun and so funny! 👻❤️🙌🏻 #girlsnight

A photo posted by Kyle Difiori • Writer (@kyledifiori) on Jul 19, 2016 at 7:40am PDT

Specifically, re-watching Pacific Rim took me back to my fanfiction. Now, let's be clear - I've been writing fanfiction on and off for a very wide array of shows and books and movies since I was 13. Much of that has been graciously lost to time and the void. But about three years ago I started writing fanfiction again for Pacific Rim. And then I took a break and started writing fanfiction again about a year after that for Transformers in several variations. It's been a very long time since I've written any new fanfiction. But watching Pacific Rim again made me curious enough to revisit some of my older work. And I was actually pleasantly surprised by what I found.

I re-read everything. Everything I had posted under my most recent fanfiction pseudonym. Everything that was clearly posted too quickly and without enough of an editing eye. Everything that was written on a whim or a dare or bits of conversation with other fans. I even went through and read the parts that never got posted. This piece of a second chapter and that bit of an unfinished follow-up. And that spurred me to re-read one of my own stories. One that I started over a year ago and abandoned. And you know what I realized?

I'm pretty fucking good at this.

And when that thought first crossed my mind, I felt cocky and egotistical for it. Like I didn't deserve to think highly of my own work. And then I thought about it a little further and realized...if I don't like what I'm writing, what's the point? It's a good thing to enjoy your own work. That's not to say that I don't suffer very regularly from the writer's inevitable self-doubt, but this was the first time in a while that I realized I'm actually good at this writing thing. And maybe it's not so crazy to think that if I finish something, people will want to read it. And that was exactly the kind of pick-me-up I needed this week.

So while I contemplate finishing up a few of these dusty old fanfics, tell me: have you ever gone back to an abandoned project and realized you're pretty fucking good at something, too?

Okay, so I know I talked all about the horse and getting back on it in my last post, and that was supposed to include way more regular posts, which didn't immediately happen. But in my defense, a lot of things have been changing over the last couple of weeks since then! One of those things, as you may have noticed, is the blog!

I decided that a new look was in order. Not because I disliked my last layout! But a new look felt like the first step towards turning over a new blogging leaf, as it were. I think the cleaner colors make for a more pleasant experience, and I honestly kind of love the pseudo-logo header. The stock photo I use for my avatar (because I do not look so perfectly, coyly seductive eating fruit) features a strawberry, and I decided to run with that theme in certain ways. So if you see strawberries all over the place, you'll know why! But, ultimately, it took me about a week to get all of the tweaking done so that I was happy with the blog, and after staring at coding for hours, I wasn't feeling up to typing anymore!

Another change you may or may not have noticed is in the form of the photo sharing empire of Instagram! I went ahead and started my own under this pen name so you guys can see a little more of what my life is like outside of text. Of course, right now it looks like the only thing I do when I'm not writing is eat, but...well, yeah, that's pretty accurate. Expect a lot of pictures of food! If you want to check it out, you can find me @kyledifiori! If you stop by, leave me a comment and let me know you came from here!

Finally, I've been a bit absent because I had to say goodbye to one of my very best friends this week. She and her husband are moving across the country to California, and while I am incredibly thrilled for them and the amazing opportunity this presents, I am also sad. Sarah has been my closest friend since we met in Japan 15 years ago, and saying goodbye has been emotional. Even though, technically, we've avoided actually saying goodbye. But that's okay! Because as far as I see it, this isn't really goodbye - it's see you later. Because there is a CoCo ICHIBANYA in California and my first visit to see Sarah will probably include two or three visits for curry! And we did a pretty solid job of celebrating our last dinner together. With what, you ask? RAMEN!

Saying goodbye to an amazing friend is hard, but doing it over #ramen 🍜 makes it a little easier! Plus, ramen is salty and masks the taste of goodbye tears. Noodle Blvd would be a great setting for a future scene, though...

A photo posted by Kyle Difiori • Writer (@kyledifiori) on Jul 15, 2016 at 12:45pm PDT

What about y'all? Ramen was the clear choice for Sarah and I to "say goodbye" over since we started our friendship in Japan, where we both fell in love with ramen. But if you had to say bid adieu to your best friend tomorrow, what food do you think would be the best representation of your friendship? Leave a comment to let me know!